I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
