I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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