Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you win again, gameday.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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