By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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