Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
