walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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