I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish my penis had a tongue
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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