Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
