Betty ford says i'm here all night
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize