I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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