Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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