fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
