my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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