the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
