He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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