If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
