i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
