i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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