I never want to see another naked old woman again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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