it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
