I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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