WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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