we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
