In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
