I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
