I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
