$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
