Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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