Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
