Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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