70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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