my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my shit smells like andre
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
