I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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