he thought i was a dude.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
