Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
