Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
