i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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