And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
