I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
please come you make the beer taste better
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize