I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
