Where is the hickey?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
