So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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