Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
