I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
