Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
