Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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