Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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