her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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