I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
