I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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