I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
