Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you will always have a special place in my vag
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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