I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize