You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
