It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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