I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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