just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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