how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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