dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
