hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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