A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
