the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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