Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
