new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
