I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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