Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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