I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
