U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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