either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
