Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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