youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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